Worst audition requirement ever, as received today from my agent:
"your bare feet may be shown (fairly close up) so please take the necessary actions to ensure that your feet will be presentable."
Okay, seriously? I know lots of people say their feet are ugly, but mine... mine are like Amy Sedaris in Strangers With Candy, where when she walks her toenails click on the floor. Take some size 10 honkers, adorn them with loonnnng toes (I mean it; the 2nd toe literally dwarfs the big one) and throw in 12 years of ballet to add some truly spectacular calluses. It's not pretty. I haven't worn open toed shoes in several years. The last time, after Scott convinced me that nobody would be looking at my feet, I was at a bar and our friend (who shall remain nameless), looked down and said "wow, you have really weird toes!" (Insert a few hundred extra hours of self-loathing here.) If I'm caught barefoot with company, I'll find a way to put them under a table or sit on them or obscure them in some way. When I get a pedicure, I have to practically medicate myself so I don't imagine what those cute little ladies are saying about honky's monster feet. So, yeah, this may not be the audition for me...
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